Life in General

Making new friends as we age gracefully

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

I have talked about loneliness before and how I think it can be damaging to one’s health. As a senior I feel friendships are always important, but vital as we age. Loneliness can have a devastating effect on ones’ life. A while back my husband and I had dinner with some friends. It was a birthday get together. These are people we have known for quite some years but in more recent years our bond is growing. There is a common interest which has brought us all together and now being in the senior age category, there is more time to socialize and commit to friendships.

As we do become closer questions become more inquiring and conversations are more in depth. For me personally this is a cathartic experience as I love discussions around human behavior, and I find most people’s lives are filled with interesting facts and usually a little drama. My group of friends are fantastic and never push issues or demand answers. I think this is not the same for all though. I can imagine that some friendships could be difficult as certain people like their privacy and don’t feel comfortable discussing personal subjects. On the reverse of that others asking questions can become too intrusive and not know when to stop. After our dinner I found myself thinking how lucky we were to have this group of friends and how difficult it could be if this was not the case.  This got me thinking about the process of building and cementing a bond with someone you have just met.

Through previous experiences we learn that to bombard someone with your life story can quickly result in a lost friendship. People need time to digest and contemplate information. All those hidden secrets in one go, can be a recipe for disaster. Experiences vary in life, with some good and others not so good. Where one person finds a story intriguing, the same story can be considered abrasive to another. Some find talking about past events or revealing details of one’s family to be difficult or emotionally draining others have no trouble blurting out their entire history.

We can all look back and remember those people whom we called friends in the past. People who we no longer see or hear from maybe due to differences of opinion or dwindling mutual interests. Friendships do not automatically come with built-in trust and respect. This has to be earned and valued over time. Those who are lucky enough to have long term friendships will have realized this.

As seniors we often find ourselves in the position of having to make new friendships. Loved ones have passed, families have busy lives, the workplace is no longer part of your social network. One of the difficulties I see with this situation is that at this stage in our life, we do not always have the benefit of time on our side. I believe relationships are stronger if we take our time to get to know people. As we age we don’t have as much time to waste so we are impelled to speed up the process. With limited time it can be tricky and often results are not what we expect.

To understand why this happens, we need to look at the process. By this, I mean look at the factors which go into a friendship. Feeling comfortable in conversation, having similar likes or dislikes, mutual values, mutual respect, and acceptance.  Not feeling judged, bullied, or intimidated. This is a lot to determine and to digest in a single meeting, so where does one start.

Find out who we are first. When we are young, we hide so much from others and not always intentionally. I believe we do not really know ourselves in our younger adult years. Of course, we think we do, but now having lived to a ripe old age, I realized once I retired and finally had the time to do things, I knew little about myself. Certainly, we know what makes us laugh or what makes us relax but do we truly know what makes us happy. I think we need a lifetime to figure that out.

I know I for one do not worry about what others think as much as I did when I was younger. I am not afraid to say what I like or afraid to disagree with someone. Therefore, when we are older, can we assume that our piers are more open and more honest with their discussions because they are more comfortable with themselves.

Let us hope they are as it speeds up the “getting to know you” part of building friendships.

Having said all that, ask yourself what sort of person you are and what would you like in a friend.  Are you a serious person, someone who is a happy go lucky person, do you like books, movies, sports, do you like to drink, party, quiet nights, dinner. If you know yourself than you will know what type of friend, you seek. Next time you join a new group or meet a new person, listen with interest to what is being said. Often, we are preparing our input, or our next question and we miss what is actually being relayed. When you really hear what someone is saying the response becomes automatic.

If you really do not know what you like, then the fun is in trying new challenges. If you don’t like it you now know a bit more about yourself. You will figure it out eventually and hopefully make a whole group of new friends.

As this is sounding a bit like a relationship seminar, I will not bore you further but I hope I have helped someone out there who is struggling with the thought of making friends.

 A question to answer or just to ponder.

The saying “we should accept everyone for who they are” what does that mean to you?

To me it means everyone is an individual and has the right to represent themselves however they want. We should accept them as part of the world in which we live and afford them the same rights as ourselves. We should not criticize them just because we have different thoughts to them, however we do not have to be best friends with them either.  I would love to hear thoughts on my comments. Feel free to comment and subscribe if you want to see more of my ramblings.

New Adventures in Australia-2023

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

With covid monopolising the last 2 years we have decided to do what many others have. Discover Australia rather than travel abroad..

As you would have read in my previous travel blogs there is usually an eclipse happening at some time during our travels.Our next big trip will be no different. Exmouth in Western Australia will experience a Hybrid Solar Eclipse on the 20th April 2023. A good excuse for us to discover the beauties of the western coast of Australia.

Our first discussion were how would do this, Car, Boat, Airplane or Train or a combination. All options were available but we knew in 6 months time the options would reduce as places book out. It is expected that thousands will make their way to this tiny peninsular to see the spectacle that is an eclipse. Add to that a picturesque place and the school holidays and you have an accommodation problem.

As we want to see as much of Australia as we can, our decision was to drive ourselves. Now, do we use our car, hire a car or a motorhome. Weighing up the costs for each method the answer became clear to us. We decided to purchase a camper trailer with the idea of being able to sell it when we had enough of driving ourselves around.

We have had one before, ie 30 years ago when we were much younger, fitter and more adventurous. I believe my hesitation was valid. We started to look at what was available which promptly eliminated the possibility of my wish for pure luxury. The caravans and motorhomes were way outside our budget which is why we settled on a camper trailer. These are definitely more comfortable than they were in the 90′”s. We opted for an Australian built Cub Explorer. For one it was towable by our existing car and even though a little more expensive than we expected was doable if we were careful.

As noted previously many people had the same idea so our wait period was just under 6 mths. We picked up the van early December 2022 with much delight. We can only speak for Cub but the handover procedure is intensive. Over 3 hours of instruction and advice. We wondered why on earth it would take that long but it did. There are a multitude of little things one needs to be clear on. You do receive a manual also but the actual instruction is absolutely necessary. After the very exhausting 3.5 hours with a quick lunch break the instructor helped us hook up the trailer and checked the lights which to our dismay were not functioning correctly.

Not a great start and a way to add some apprehension to the whole idea of roaming around the countryside on our own. To the rescue, Cub were straight onto it and immediately sent us across the road to the factory to check it out. Once there the staff jumped into action and told us to go for a coffee and relax while they find the problem.

After a half hour or so we received the call to go back and pick it up. All fixed with much apologies and guarantees that everything would be perfect going forward. A huge sigh of relief and we were on our way home, towing our 2nd home behind us. We are home and are happy as it fits into the garage perfectly, allowing enough room for the car and comfortable movement about the garage.

The following day, the first challenge is to open the camper as per the instructions. Season the canvas and then close the camper as per instruction. Opening it is easy and trouble free, maybe 10 mins maximum. Once inside we were elated and our minds started visioning us set up outside the camper, sitting back in our chairs with a wine in hand while watching a sunset or snuggling in our bed listening to the rain on the roof. That daydream was pushed aside quickly as we attempted to close the camper.

Out come the instructions and away we go. All went well for 5 minutes. There is a detachable deluxe awning with the model we purchased and it is recommended this is left on the camper when closing it up. The instruction sounds easy and we watched the instructor do it all by himself when we were at the factory. We gave it our best shot once, then again and again but to no avail. There appears too much awning to be able to close the trailer down without force. On top of that the canvas walls were looking very crooked and strained in places. After many sighs and murmurs of frustration we decided it needed to be reset. Again instructions are fairly clear so we reset the canvas, but still not sure and still with difficulty we eventually got the trailer closed and decided to try again in a few days. Xmas was looming and celebrations waiting to be to organised.

We waited a few days and tried again with the idea of being prepared to go somewhere for a few days over the xmas new year break. Again it opened without problem but appeared completely out of shape again. We, rewatched the videos regarding the resetting and also the close up procedure. We tried again but unfortunately it was quite a hot day and we were a little short on energy. I was beginning to think we had made the wrong decision and my spirits were a little deflated. We managed to get some things packed into it, getting an idea of the weight and eventually got it closed again. All was not easy sailing. Our next try now would be after Xmas day instead of going away we would work on it again.

Once we were refreshed after the xmas frivolities we started from scratch again, reset the canvas again and in doing so realised our error as we went. Finally we were able to get it right and achieve the process fairly quickly. Practise makes a difference and my thoughts were heading in a more positive direction.

Now for the fun part we need to pack it and weigh it. This was going to be a challenge.We knew we would have to be careful with the tow ball weight. A spreadsheet had been started. Over the previous 6 months we followed a few travellers on YouTube, watched many videos and listened to much advice from existing cub owners. The message was clear although conflicting. You will always pack more than you need and always be prepared for something going wrong. Needless to say the spreadsheet set-up changed several times with bins and crates, food and tools all being tried here and there many times until we came up with something that worked physically. The weighing finally happened only to highlight we were overweight. A couple of quick shopping trips to get things right, divorce close on our heels we repacked, eliminated and we redid it all again until we got it right. Finally we were seeing the light. Patience and tenacity were ruling the way.

It was the eve of the new year and our street party was about to happen so the camper trailer was put to bed until 2023 I am hoping my next blog will be about our first venture out in our new home.

Please like and share and comment if you have experiences similar. Hopefully I will have more to report soo

How important are Memorial Services?

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

Recently I attended a funeral for a friends mum, actually her step mum. A gracious women who earned the right to be called a mum in every sense of the word. My story today is not about this lady, although her story should be told, but about the process of her passing. Sadly as we age, so do, our family and friends and as we attend more funerals we notice a reduction in our circle of love and support.
The lady I refer to was nearing 103 when she finally said goodbye to her time on earth. Of course there had been time for her family and friends to mentally prepare for her passing. This does not reduce the sadness of the loss when it finally comes. I have in recent years attended a couple of funerals for very close friends which were extremely painful experiences at the time, but as the months go by I am remembering the time, more for its beauty rather than its sadness. The words that stayed with me the most during this particular service was that of the celebrant. She mentioned with a positive glow that it was pleasing to see, so many people attending the service for someone this age. I looked around and thought to myself there was only around 30 people in the room, which seemed like a small number to me. I then wondered to myself how many funerals must occur with fewer or sadly no people in attendance. The celebrant went on to say some beautiful words and reiterated this fine ladies life admirably. My immediate thoughts were sad but slowly turned to joy when I realised the amount of young people in the room who had come to say goodbye and show their respect for the life this lady had lived. The words of kindness of the happy times they had spent together, the lessons learned, the valuable knowledge passed on to the younger persons in the room, who, on this day, had no concept of the life they were going to live. This was something positive to grab hold of. It was a brief moment where I personally found calm and happiness. Further to this, watching the slide show of photographs and hearing the contented sighs of those being reminded of good times, the joy in seeing their eyes light up when relating to a moment in their past, again this all brings a happiness to the day. Later in the day as I listened to the stories of her life, all told with animation and personal experience my thoughts were reinforced.

Admittedly I was not close to this lovely lady and therefore not absorbed by grief. I was lucky enough to experience these feelings in the here and now. So I ask those who are grieving now, if and when you are able, it may be worth revisiting this day. There is a happiness that can be found among the grief of losing a loved one. Time heals the pain and hopefully the good memories become the only memories. Once the grief becomes less dominant and we are able to think clearly once again there is much to value and reflect on. This is just my opinion, I personally think a memorial service is important. The form that service takes is of course a very personal one and should be the choice of those closest to the loved one and any wishes of the loved one should be considered deeply. Having said that I also believe attendance is not something everyone can emotionally deal with and therefore there should be no criticism of one not attending a service. There is no right or wrong in how one deals with their own personal grief.

We who remain behind can only hope we have touched or influenced at least one younger person in the life we have led.

Seniors Embracing Technology

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

Too many options with technology – Is this the problem?

I wrote about this subject in one of my first blog posts. The only thing changed since then is more technology and more confusion. It is such a catch 22 situation. If you don’t keep up, life can be quite difficult however to keep up it is quite stressful. I am not sure about anyone else, but I continually hear myself saying things like, ” I am over technology” or “No more passwords” and continually feeling frustrated at my lack of knowledge. The thing is, it is so much a part of our day to day living that we cannot avoid it. Have you noticed how whenever you buy a new appliance there is very little instruction included in the package? You must go on line and everything will be explained. That is true, everything you want is there but unfortunately I have to keep going back to google to find out what all the symbols and abbreviated words mean before I can go on.

There is API, ATM, BSS, CPU, DHCP, DSl, GMAC, IDS, IMAP, LAN, MDF, POP, RAM, SDN, SSID, VC, VPN, WAN, WPA and the list goes on forever. Some of the instructions you receive assume you have done a software engineers degree before buying the product. If I was to rewrite the instructions in language I could understand I am sure it would be 4 pages longer.

We have a security system at home, this is a good thing, and it works we think, The technician installs the equipment, presses a million buttons on the mobile phone and away he goes. We are left with a screen which shows us four different views. He tells us all the wonderful things it will do. We know how to turn the alarm on and off. This is all great and we are happy with what we have paid for. Warning! do not change anything or press the wrong button by mistake, all hell will break loose, and you are left looking at dots and dashes and meaningless symbols until you call the trusty technician for instruction. This is just typical with everything we own now. Sometimes you can be lucky and press the right symbol without even knowing it. You pat yourself on the back and think how clever you are, until the next time when a blank screen makes you question,” is that the right button” Don’t get me started on our own personal motor vehicle advisor Siri who manages the radio/phone/music/GPS and much more I am sure. If you do not speak Siri language forget it. Then there is Google Home which constantly talks back to me and refuses to do what I ask. The only positive statement I can make is to marvel in the middle of the night when the world is in thrown into darkness, I need no lights to find my way around home as it has its own navigational pathway of blinking lights and beeping sounds on every apparatus I own.

I must say here, I would not wish to go back in time before now. I am privileged and I appreciate just how much knowledge technology has bought and how much easier my life has been made by it. What I will say is I envy the younger generations ease with the constant changing evolution of technology. I hope I live for another 20 years to see what is coming next.

Conversations as Seniors – Writing v Verbal.

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

Articulating oneself is not always easy especially as we age.

Recently I heard one of my daughters relay an old conversation of ours onto someone else. The subject matter of which we were referring to was of a very emotional content. What amazed me when I heard her version was the number of times my words were misinterpreted. Hearing it back I can understand this, as my emotions controlled my words and articulation left the building. Interestingly I am aware of this when people talk in person and understand totally how arguments develop, however the exchange of words I am referring to was all in writing.It highlighted to me that behind the words we choose to write, there are a lot of meanings that are not conveyed to the recipient. I have always thought this when verbalising conversations and for that reason had relied on writing as a medium. More extensive words can be used and more time taken to exchange. Sadly I now believe I am mistaken.

One would think the written word would make it easy to remove some of the ambiguity of the English language. I find when I write I start with an idea, or quote or statement and add my thoughts. What happens though once I start rereading,editing, and interpreting, quite often a new angle or a new perspective is reached. I then change things a little and go through the process of editing again. Writing for a blog, a journal or an essay is completely different to having a written personal dialogue with someone. There are so many factors which effect human interractions. Generational differences, environmental influences, experienced behaviour with the subject matter and the actual timing of the exchange.In general communication is often very flawed. This is not news to most of us, especially those of us in our senior years. We have all had many occasions over our lifetime when we have regretted what we have said as it was fuelled by anger or fear and even love. Equally there are many times we wish we had said more or offered more but at the time were guided by different influences.

Articulating what one wants to say is hard and listening to what is being said is a skill few of us have. I have completed several communication and training courses and therefore should be good at relaying and receiving but when it comes to my family or emotional issues I fail miserably in verbalising or writing my thoughts clearly. My emotions are always heightened and my need to keep things calm are always present. The result of this is compound. When you are worried about what to say your mind is occupied and you are not listening as you should. You are constantly thinking how I can convey my thoughts without sounding mean, judgemental or thoughtless. In the process of “being so thoughtful” you may in fact be missing the whole point of the conversation. You are constantly behind the conversation. In personal situations the effect of this for many people may result in less conversation, less understanding and in many cases more arguments and more distance.

These days we no longer wait a week for the letter to arrive and then savour every word written, we no longer use the telephone to talk and listen for hours. Family members and friends are often busy with multiply commitments thats time together is often infrequent and sadly I have noticed in recent times even emailing is becoming redundant outside of business needs. We are texting, using messenger, instagram and facebook to communicate. There are only so many words you can use in a text and as our fingers are not as nimble as those younger than us it is not always an easy task. I will admit face-time and zoom meetups are a quiet blessing if you can master the technological problems that come with them.

I wish I had an answer to this accelerating situation in todays’ modern world but unfortunately it eludes me.

An unexpected gift.

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

For Christmas this year I received a set of inspirational and questioning journals from my youngest daughter. She knows I like to write and thought this would help with some ideas for my blog.

To be completely honest, I was not sure at the time she was right. It is not something I would ever have considered buying for myself. I am not someone who reads inspirational quotes or positive thoughts for the day, however I do find human behaviour fascinating and I expect looking at ones own behaviour is a good place to start. Trying to keep an open mind I started to explore the journals. I was pleasantly surprised and quite amazed at some of the questions posed. Questions that I had pondered in the past but not spent time investigating. One question that was asked implored me to think and explore my thoughts.

What do you want most in life?

The burning question that keeps the world turning. The question we ask ourselves continuously throughout our lives. The question we at times spend way too long pondering and then other times we push it aside for another day as it is too hard to answer.

Now getting close to 70 I can reflect on this and answer it fairly easily. Not with-standing  world issues, which I would hope applies to most people, to eliminate poverty, eradicate violence, protect all children, accept all beings for who they are and discover amazing things. We want to have a sustainable world in which to live and in an ideal world we would have peace. Who does not want this?

I believe to answer this question as an individual the answer is dependent on time and conditions within our lives. What I want most now differs to what I wanted in years gone by.  I only speak for myself here.

Overall – Late teen years I wanted freedom, independence, and excitement – personal level – I wanted  love and laughter in my life.

Overall – In my 20’s I wanted stability after a childhood of instability. Regular income, loving family  and good friends- personal level– I wanted my marriage to be strong and I wanted children.

Overall – In my 30’s I wanted to purchase our own home and I wanted safety, stability and a good future for my children – personal level – I wanted to be a good, honest, and approachable mother.  I wanted to improve my education and improve my ability to earn a higher income.

Overall – In my 40’s I wanted financial security and more time for fun and relaxation. Time  and money for Travel. Success for my children both in education and career – personal level – I wanted to be liked and valued by my family.

Overall – In my 50’s I wished for improved health services. I  wanted  longevity in our business – personal level. I wanted to fix my children and husband who were all struggling with ill health.

Overall – In my 60’s  I wanted Good Health, financial security, more foreseeable possibility of retirement – personal level . I wanted our life to slow down and to be easier.

Overall – Now approaching my 70’th year- I want people to learn from the experience of a pandemic. I want people to stop blaming the government for every shortcoming in their life and to take responsibility for their own actions. ( a sweeping statement, I know, a discussion for another blog). On a very personal level I just want to live long enough to be able to enjoy my retirement with my husband, I want good health for myself and my family members and my friends.  I want laughter, excitement, I want to be able to try new things, travel to new places and experience life in general.  

On Reflection

On an introspective level, I would like to stop bitching and complaining about people and situations at hand. I have noticed as I grow older, I have less tolerance and I am more bitter and less compassionate in my thoughts. I am guessing this is just a tiredness we get after a lifetime of pushing our own agenda’s, trying  always to be right or knowledgeable or simply trying to be noticed.  It is not a good look and not a productive way to live.  It is something I need to work on.

“If everything went the way we wanted, soon we would no longer have anything to write about, nothing to quide our daily thoughts.”

Paulo Coelho’s Blog

Birds out my window today.

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

I am sitting watching out the window as I write my blog. The day is dawning and the birds are waking. I like and respect animals but am not what you would call a passionate animal lover. I have had my fair share of cats and dogs, experienced owning white mice, and cute little rabbits, gone through the silkworm process and visited many zoos and animal parks.

Since retiring to the Blue Mountains I have noticed birds. I have always scoffed a little at birdwatchers wondering how they could be interested in something that just flits from tree to tree. I realise now how my ignorance hid from me the complexity and the beauty of these creatures.

A white Sulphur Crested Cockatoo flies past the window with his wide spread wings holding him afloat. He parks on a tree and calls his friends to join him. If I call to him with my cocky voice his yellow crown immediately stands high as he turns to stare and then squawks as if to say “you are interrupting, wait your turn.” His majestic all powerful stance glorious against the natural colours of the trees.

Meanwhile I notice our resident Kookaburra and his baby search diligently for worms deep under the green lawn which sparkles from the tiny drops of water from the early morning dew. The mother working tirelessly to stifle the continuous cry of her reliant baby.

I look to my left to the Red Wattle Bird foraging for nector in buds of the grevillia plants. His familiar gutteral chortle filling the air. He is a very territorial bird and fights daily with the other birdlife to retain his home. A few months ago a he was followed relentlessly by his new baby. Today the baby is not seen as I guess he is now making his own way among the blooms of the many small bushes surrounding him.

I know from seeing this all unfold each day that the stunning red, yellow and blue colours of the Rosella’s just behind the house are scattered in the many trees waiting to descend to our balcony with their own distinct sound. They will sit along the rail whistling their melodic tunes with the hope of a handful of seed to enhance their diets.

Not far behind them will be the more graceful and brilliantly coloured Red and Green King Parrots. They are more patient than the others and will come close and look at you when they speak. Cautious at first but then demanding in their request for attention.

Further down the yard I see the distinct black and white of the Magpies foraging among the leaves and debris surrounding the bush. Religiously following the lawn mower gathering the worms as they come to the surface. The Magpie family comes and goes each season. They know our faces and respond immediately to my whistle. Swooping in from nowhere they glide in close knowing there is a handout not far away. It is interesting to watch when they have new babies. They collect the food in their mouth adding to the pile until it is bulging from their beak. It is then time to fly away to the nest where the squawking babies are waiting for them. They overload and quickly return for another round.

Last but certainly not least are my favourites when it comes to feeding. The little Butcher Birds are very cute, quick and silent. They fly high into the trees and sit patiently watching and waiting. When the coast is clear they very smoothly swoop and scoop the tiny morsel of food left for them. They are in and out before you notice.

Some others worth mentioning but not in view this morning are the Lorikeets, Brown Dove, Bower Bird, Plovers , Black Cockatoo and a Tawny Frogmouth. Not viewed but definitley heard is The Big Owl.

I spend much time just watching the birds as they wake, play and rest each day. Time spent watching them strip the bark off the trees or building their nests. Noticing how they go from bush to bush searching for nectar, chasing each other flying in and out of the many branches. At dusk you can see them gliding across the skies rich from the colours of the sunsets looking for a place to settle during the dark hours.

Complacency-Boredom

/ Lesley / 2 Comments

As a retired person I have more available time, as an older person living during the pandemic I have more idle hours to fill. Following I have written my thoughts on this situation. No expertise, no qualifications just what is in my head. 🤔

I refer back to an early blog “What will I do when I retire?” I wrote that blog with my own actions in mind and focused mainly on activities that I related to at the time. Covid has made me think more earnestly about what we do on a daily basis and how easily boredom can slip into our life and have a detrimental affect on some people. It is easy to become bored, it is easy to become complacent about your daily activities. Dictionary.com’s meaning of complacency is “a feeling of quiet pleasure or security often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition etc.” I think this explains it very clearly but breaking it down a little and putting it into terms of actual life activities helped me to clarify.🤓

The first part is easy for me to identify, particularly during covid restrictions. Doing a jigsaw puzzle, doing my heritage investigations, reading a book or simply going for a walk.These activities were pleasureable and gave me the security of knowing I was safe in my own home.They quickly became my norm and were only broken by the necessity of housework or shopping on line. 🙂

The second part of the dictionary meaning is a little unnerving at first. I questioned what potential danger could these activities evoke. The answer came with endured lengths of time of repetitively doing the same activities every day. The danger lies in the complacency of ones own thoughts and actions. When you are in a pattern without too much change it becomes easy to be habitual. Our life becomes boring. We could easily become disinterested in our surroundings which leads to more debilitating effects to our well being. As you become more bored your life becomes less active and your brain less stimulated. You talk less, you laugh less and more and more creativity and interests die. It becomes easy to not make an effort, to not make plans, to not look forward. If we do not change our routines, explore new avenues, take risks and try new things our brains become less stimulated and more vulnerable to negative thoughts. Of course there is nothing wrong with boredom, it is a normal emotion and it is not harmful unless of course it becomes excessive and interferes with ones normal daily life and this where the danger lives. 😦

I do suspect if you have an interesting hobby you possibly will not have this problem, but if you find yourself increasingly idle try something new. If you do not have any specific interest maybe look back at what you liked doing as a young person and see how that fits into your retired lifestyle. This would not have worked for me as I worked from a very young age and did not really develop any specific hobbies other than being involved in some sports. As I age those particular sports are not appropriate. I do however like long easy walks and on line music exercise classes so I am trying to become more consistent with that. I have listing here some suggestions(not mind boggling) just simple actions to minimise boredom or complacency and things that activate our brains. 😀

  • Cooking-reinvent the way you cook, try new foods. If you have no one at home to cook for bake a cake or make some cookies for your neighbour or elderly friend and invite them over for a cuppa. (covid permitted) Make some fun cookies for the neighbourhood children.
  • Craft-Learn a new skill or two. There are many tutorials on line. knitting, crocheting, origami, macrame, scrapbooking, sculpting, ceramics, painting etc the list is endless.
  • Sorting– photos, memorabilia, kitchen cupboards, clothing, garage, sheds, music collections We all need to declutter and sort. Do it slowly so it is enjoyable not a chore.
  • Photographing– I became bored while taking my daily walk, so I decided to photograph specific things. I chose a colour and with my trusty smart phone I walked and searched for that colour. You would be amazed at what you see. Each day I changed the colour or the theme and my walks became interesting again. I posted my photo’s on facebook which resulted in interaction with friends. Use your smart phone or camera and photograph whatever you like, your home, the streets surrounding you, fungi, trees, flowers, pictures, food, shapes use your imagination.
  • Writing-this is what I chose and the subjects are endless. I chose to put my thoughts on line but you do not have to. Start a journal, each day write down what you are thinking. It is habit forming however not boring as the subject matter changes everyday when you are forced to think of something to put down on paper. Nobody is reading it unless you want them to so write whatever crap comes to mind. Reading it back is often fun and thought provoking.
  • Planning-even though covid has momentarily changed our freedom we can still plan for the future. go online and plan the trip of a lifetime, you may never do it but it does not hurt to dream and its fun to map it out, and at the same time you are finding lots of information about other countries.
  • Games-mind games, computer games, board games, card games or do puzzles. There are many both on line and probably some gathering dust in your cupboards. They keep your mind active and if you have someone to play with all the better. If not challenge yourself to better your skills or beat your own score.
  • Meet new people-Join a book club, a walking group, a community centre or simply say hi to your neighbours or local shopkeepers. Go to a bingo group or a dance class or join a bowls club. A few words to a stranger can make your day. Some of these things are difficult during covid restrictions however if you are reading this you have access to on line so be brave start a social media page and finds some new friends. There are many senior groups filled with people just like yourself. It could be just 5 minutes a day and it could change your life.
  • Pampering-this is something we forget to do, whether male or female we all deserve to spoil ourselves. The obvious is a long luxurious bath, a hot chocolate and a good book, a home facial, a cup of tea while sitting on the verandah listening to your favourite music, relax with a heat-pack on those aching bones, watch a movie or better still watch a comedy routine, paint your nails, watch the footy.
  • Mens/Womens sheds– of course we are talking post covid but definitely something for those who have worked hard all of their lives and not had time to develop a hobby. From what I have heard and read they give people a purpose and are a great way to meet new friends. Research on line as they are popping up in many places.
  • Yoga,Meditation,Pilates,Exercise.- Whether male or female there a on line classes for everyone. No effort as you are in your own home, nobody to see you, no cost just simple movement which is the most important thing our ageing bodies need.
  • Hydo-Water activities– another post coved activity. Local pools have lots of classes for seniors with special classes or simply do some easy stretches and leisurely swimming
  • Language Course-learn a new language on line. I have friends who have done just this and are really enjoying the process.
  • Pets– If you don’t have one and you live alone consider adopting a pet. The reasons are obvious, companionship, responsibility, fun and caring. No negatives here and no time to be bored or complacent. They wont let it happen.

I hope you have fun finding your new or renewed interest. If you have a story to tell of how you fill the hours let me know in the comments. 🌻😃

Living alone, loneliness and its challenges.

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

I am basing this blog only on the knowledge of relatives and friends I know who are in either or both of these situations. I am not assuming that every person who lives alone is suffering. One can live alone and not be lonely, one can live with many but battle with loneliness.

Living alone has some really obvious and positive benefits. One can manage their space to cater for all of their own likes and dislikes. They can run with a schedule or not. They do not have to be considerate of someone else’s feelings, their moods or their preferences. The work load is less if living alone and the grocery bill is cheaper. They can wear daggy clothes or no clothes. They can eat or not eat, sleep or not sleep, cry and curse at whomever they want and turn the volume up whenever the moods takes them. These are things that those living in a family or a relationship sometimes envy of those who live alone.

I would like to point out the numerous negatives many of us never think about.

Putting aside the unusual state a pandemic creates, imagine if you are single, unable to work or are maybe self employed and working alone from home. Consider someone who suffers from anxiety or has social phobias. Your life may be like living with a lot of the covid restrictions but not only for one or two years but for a lifetime. Consider a person in this situation could easily find themselves with no reason to actually use their own voice. The mobile phone has minimised the amount of actual calls one needs to make. Texts are a common method of dialogue now. A person in this situation does not need to leave the house as we can order our groceries, clothes, computers, stationery and actually most goods online without the need to speak. No contact drop off has eliminated the need to see or hear another human being. There are many single people in this situation. The need for human interaction becomes minimised and eventually eliminated. This is quite sad and disturbing and quite real.

Again very sad that this situation continues and can actually become a mental illness or can result in medical complications. With no accountability to others we have no need to take responsibility for our own health or wellbeing. There is no one who will question them, encourage them or help to motivate them. When one isolates we tend to think our view is the most important and this is totally wrong in my mind. We need to listen to other opinions, other ideas, otherwise we become self indulgent and therefore selfish. It is important to get out and to communicate. Working, mingling or joining sporting or activity groups puts more of a perspective on our opinions. It is vital to learn and to grow as a person.

Then you have those who are surrounded by relatives and/or friends, are members of clubs and are continually active but unknown to others they feel totally alone. Sometimes people keep busy to avoid being alone or avoid thinking about themselves. They often appear very in control or very happy with life but in fact are not. For many reasons they have not connected personally with anyone. Maybe they do not feel special or needed or loved. Often people feel misunderstood or judged. Maybe they are insecure with different aspects of themselves. I am sure there are many reasons and many times people in this situation rarely express these feelings and therefore their contacts believe they are ok, leaving the problem unsolved and the feeling of being alone continues.

Of course we have all felt alone at times. That birthday that you insisted on not celebrating but then on the day you receive no acknowledgement and you feel alone and a little sad. That time you decide not to go to the party and then are sorry you are sitting home alone on a Saturday night. Maybe your partner is away for a week and you feel moments of loneliness. I remember times when a major decision had to be made and there was no one else there to help. One feels alone and neglected during these situations. The main difference here is you will probably be laughing or commiserating with another human the following day. Time will pass quickly and you would have moved onto new things to keep you occupied and sane. That may not be the result for those who are totally isolated on a long term basis.

The Covid-19 virus has certainly highlighted the need for human touch and the sound of the human voice. The need to feel needed and the desire to talk to people on a day to day basis. We can only hope that we all consider those who are still living day to day with restrictive lifestyles and where possible reach out to them just a little more than we have in the past.

What is your take on love

/ Lesley / 2 Comments

Do you believe you are or have been in love?

I was asked this question many times during the first couple of decades of my marriage. Being married very young everyone decided they knew better than I, so the statement rather than the question was, You cannot be in love you are too young!, or do you even know what love is? I tended to answer with ambiguous phrases because honestly I was unable to answer undeniably. I was very young, with little experience to compare. I was extremely happy and felt safe so I believed I was in love. I had nothing tangible to qualify this feeling. Over the years with this question being posed often, I wondered how one could categorically answer it. In years gone it was not generally perceived that women would have careers, their role was that of housewife and mother. Marriage was there go to, the only real excitement in their life between the 21st birthday bash and the expectation of children. The wedding was high on the female list. Marriage was still considered as a permanent structure so it was important to try to evaluate whether the love you felt for your partner was real or just a fleeting crush.I have thought many times over the years, including more recent times, that the partner in the equation of marriage was often less important than the big day. It really saddens me to say this but countless conversations leading up to the wedding day reinforces this belief over and over again.

The sixties was a huge decade of freedom and love, discovery and awareness. Many times the subject of love and sex was part of the discussions within my circle of friends. With more and more news about feminism and career possibilities women were a little confused about their futures. Add to this the talk of sexual awareness, sexual freedom and I think it was fair to say we as females questioned whether love was real or just an emotional stage. Everyone described their relationships in differing terms, with moving levels of depth which actually made it near impossible to evaluate.

Describe what love means to you.

One has to define love before answering this question. the dictionary says,  “an intense feeling of deep attraction” or “a great interest and pleasure in something” 

The Oxford dictionary says “ an intense feeling of romantic attachment based on an attraction felt by one person for another etc etc .

So is it one or the other, all of the above or none of the above. Another description I read in a google search seems to describe loving a person more adequately in my mind. 

I quote. “Love is when you choose to be at your best when the other person is not at their best. Love is when what you want is never as important as their needs.” When I say this I stress it is never ok to disregard ones own self worth. If we do not love and respect ourself then we cannot have the same love and respect for another.  

I believe love is many things and one does not know this on their first encounter or for many years later. What we feel in the beginning is desire, sexual attraction, heightened emotion and an ease of presence and safety. However these emotions can be obliterated so quickly with negative actions, that they are not sustainable without more. As humans we also need friendship and empathy. We need to feel and receive compassion, caring, understanding. Furthermore we must also learn to accept another person for who they are, not for whom we want them to be.

How does love vary from person to person

My lifetime has revealed many types of love. The protective love of a child, total respect and honour of a parent, the passion of a lover or the comfort, deep understanding and compassion of a spouse. Even though these descriptions are all emotional and easily identified they are no less important than the devoted and sustained love of a career, a job, a hobby or a pastime. This being said it is relatively obvious that love varies considerably both within one person and between two persons. Love is too vast a category to define it with one description. It is a feeling and one not easily described and one that takes time to truly recognise.

Reflection

Having said all this, I can honestly say now after 52 years of being with the same man, we have grown together and changed in many ways. We have laughed, cried, loved, annoyed and frustrated each other over the years. When I think about all of what I have described above, I finally I have the confidence to say I have experienced several forms of love and am and always have been in love.