Conversations as Seniors – Writing v Verbal.

Articulating oneself is not always easy especially as we age.

Recently I heard one of my daughters relay an old conversation of ours onto someone else. The subject matter of which we were referring to was of a very emotional content. What amazed me when I heard her version was the number of times my words were misinterpreted. Hearing it back I can understand this, as my emotions controlled my words and articulation left the building. Interestingly I am aware of this when people talk in person and understand totally how arguments develop, however the exchange of words I am referring to was all in writing.It highlighted to me that behind the words we choose to write, there are a lot of meanings that are not conveyed to the recipient. I have always thought this when verbalising conversations and for that reason had relied on writing as a medium. More extensive words can be used and more time taken to exchange. Sadly I now believe I am mistaken.

One would think the written word would make it easy to remove some of the ambiguity of the English language. I find when I write I start with an idea, or quote or statement and add my thoughts. What happens though once I start rereading,editing, and interpreting, quite often a new angle or a new perspective is reached. I then change things a little and go through the process of editing again. Writing for a blog, a journal or an essay is completely different to having a written personal dialogue with someone. There are so many factors which effect human interractions. Generational differences, environmental influences, experienced behaviour with the subject matter and the actual timing of the exchange.In general communication is often very flawed. This is not news to most of us, especially those of us in our senior years. We have all had many occasions over our lifetime when we have regretted what we have said as it was fuelled by anger or fear and even love. Equally there are many times we wish we had said more or offered more but at the time were guided by different influences.

Articulating what one wants to say is hard and listening to what is being said is a skill few of us have. I have completed several communication and training courses and therefore should be good at relaying and receiving but when it comes to my family or emotional issues I fail miserably in verbalising or writing my thoughts clearly. My emotions are always heightened and my need to keep things calm are always present. The result of this is compound. When you are worried about what to say your mind is occupied and you are not listening as you should. You are constantly thinking how I can convey my thoughts without sounding mean, judgemental or thoughtless. In the process of “being so thoughtful” you may in fact be missing the whole point of the conversation. You are constantly behind the conversation. In personal situations the effect of this for many people may result in less conversation, less understanding and in many cases more arguments and more distance.

These days we no longer wait a week for the letter to arrive and then savour every word written, we no longer use the telephone to talk and listen for hours. Family members and friends are often busy with multiply commitments thats time together is often infrequent and sadly I have noticed in recent times even emailing is becoming redundant outside of business needs. We are texting, using messenger, instagram and facebook to communicate. There are only so many words you can use in a text and as our fingers are not as nimble as those younger than us it is not always an easy task. I will admit face-time and zoom meetups are a quiet blessing if you can master the technological problems that come with them.

I wish I had an answer to this accelerating situation in todays’ modern world but unfortunately it eludes me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s