From My Diary

The Pandemic 2020

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

From My Diary

31st March 2020 I wrote the following words in my diary.

I woke early this morning, just a little worried as things are so uncertain but trying to stay positive. We will get past this with a little patience. The virus is spreading rapidly throughout the world. The government is trying financially to help the many people now out of work, the small business’ that have now closed. The associated mental health problems of isolation and the vulnerability of those in dangerous or difficult situations.Its a tall ask. We have to pull our weight and do what is asked of us. Unfortunately many people are being reckless and putting us all at risk.

Today I visited with our eldest daughter. She suffers from ill health so we are trying to keep her locked down as much as possible as her immunity is quite low. This results in extreme loneliness and fear of the future. My youngest helped out by getting her groceries and dropping them at the door. We all enjoyed  a nice chat even though we were all separated by a screen door. We all need each other at the moment. We are not in total lockdown yet but I feel it is very close. 

Changing to something more positive we have been trying to get back into our walking daily and have managed a couple of days of neighbourhood walks and then one afternoon went for a stroll around Wentworth Falls Lake. Certainly a substantial walk if you do the whole round trip. The weather being mild helped us cover the distance. Some is bush track and other parts are on local roads. The whole walk was long but easy. It cleared the head and strengthened the heart so that’s a good thing for all. It has been raining on and off quite frequently in the last week.  so we have been restricted to the house. Of course the garden needs the rain and we have the pleasure of wondering through the yard so we should not complain but it is a little restricting when activity is at a minimum at the moment. Let us hope we are back to normal living soon.  

Reflection

One thing I have relied on heavily during this time is social media. More me it was Facebook which i personally thought was a good thing prior to the pandemic. In this environment I think it has helped in many ways.There are those who, in the past, have scoffed and said it was a trivial pastime. I will agree it can be trivial and it can be negative, however in this time of social isolation it is interesting to note some of those people who ridiculed previously, are now joining the many many people reaching out for something to pass the time. What I enjoy is the tiny snippets of peoples day to day living, the vast amount of jokes or silly games. The sharing of photo’s, poems, conversations and stories that come from many different walks of life. It is vital at this stage to stay in touch with the world and it is also vital to not let the negativities push you down. 

Around the lake at Wentworth Falls

4th September 2021 – 17 months later the following words were written.

Another of our monthly weekend visits to Wiruna (Ilford) passing without attendance. Cases are averaging 1400 a day now and daily deaths have increased. A small number of people  constantly flouting the rules and keeping us in this situation.The rush is on to get NSW vaccination uptake to 70% double dose. This is when some restrictions will be lifted. It is unrealistic to expect everyone to take up the vaccination. In a democratic society  it  is each  individual persons rite to say yes or no. I can understand that and readily accept that. What I cannot accept is those people who are freely moving around not wearing masks, not keeping distances, travelling where they should not be. The majority of the people dying each day are  not fully vaccinated. The number of people who are sick with Covid is high but the majority are now are managing the virus and this tells us that the vaccine is working. I am not naive and realise that some will die even if fully vaccinated. The idea is to help as many as possible. Thats the best we can do.

We all understand the vaccine will not eliminate Covid but it will help minimise the effects of it. We all know that even when the vaccine rates are high it will not solve the problem but if it eases the problem then it is worth the effort.The world is tired of isolation. People need to interact with others, We all need to work and we all need to feel we are worth something.There is so much  blame being thrown around but we all need to understand it is no one person at fault. This is particular virus is new to all of us, mistakes will be made and we will all learn from them. Everyone, whether it be World Health Organisation, an individual  governments or the  Doctors, and specialists are trying to solve this situation the best they can. Having to deal with disrespectful individuals, hounding reporters and changing scenarios just makes it that much harder.  I wish people were more considerate.

Reflections once again

It is amazing we are still here after so much time of confusion and restriction. We have managed ok and I think we have learned a few lessons. I have had many conversations with friends about what we have all missed out on but more importantly what we have gained. I feel we have learnt the value and the necessity of staying in touch with family and or friends. We have learned we can do things differently with just a little thought and rearranging. I for one have seen the beauty of my surroundings and have discovered simple ways to pass the time. Lets hope I am not adding another virus related story to my diary in the future.

Living Long Enough to Have Clarity

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

From my diary

I wrote the following thoughts in a notebook. I cannot recall anything significant on that day so I have no idea why I wrote it. It was in the first year of our retirement so possibly the first time in many years that I had time to reflect. These are just my thoughts and feelings at the time. Having just reread it I still feel the same. I do feel it has taken me a lifetime to be able to put this into words.

What is this feeling I have right now? (27/01/17)

It wasn’t something you bought on a whim; it was not a gift from someone else. You cared for it and protected it within yourself for many months wondering and marvelling and dreaming of the future to come.  I cannot speak for adoptive parents here as I am not one but I will take the liberty of saying I think the anticipation and desire for them would amount to the same feelings.

We go through  enormous and excruciating pain to let this little marvel join us in this very unpredictable world. Why do we do this, of course there are many reasons and I think the main reason is that we want something to cherish and to call our own. We all want something special in our lives. There is also a part of us that is selfish and  wants to show the world how clever we are. We want to prove to everyone that we can do it better. We want to produce another Einstein or Elvis. Ours will be the most attractive baby, they will walk and talk before our friends child did. They will excel in school and will be up standing pillars in our society. They will change the world.  After all I will do better than my parents did. I will be the perfect parent.Those thoughts we all have. They are real and they are selfish, but let me tell you how quickly that selfishness disappears.

Whether it is your first or your tenth child, or your newly adopted child the overwhelming changes you experience are hard to describe when you hold this parcel in your arms for the first time.

With large, deep inquiring eyes that look at you with wonderment, Eyes that have never seen you before but for some reason trust you implicitly. Your gut is on fire. Your heart is pumping with a feeling you have never had before. Your sense of achievement and fulfilment is indescribable. You are strong and you immediately become the protector, the mentor and the teacher. Your senses have just been manipulated by a little person with a brain 1/3rd of the size of your own, with a body, which will fit in a shoebox.You have just lost control because you are totally under their spell.

It is impossible to comprehend the size of the commitment you will now need to endure life in the future.  You thought you had huge responsibilities previously, to your partner, your parents, your career and to yourself but it is nothing compared to what lies ahead.

This is the first of many sleepless night you will have, but it is different to the ones to come.  This first night the feelings of joy and wonderment will be interrupted by thoughts of inadequacy, anxiety and fear.It will be overwhelming. A glimpse of what your future looks like is quickly haunting your every moment. Immediately you will want to map out their life right there and then. Your intentions will become clear. You will make sure they are healthy and safe. You will afford them every opportunity you possibly can. You will hope for great things for them. You will want their life to be without complication. You will want their life to be better than yours. You will be proud of them, revel in their happiness and enjoy their achievements. You will protect them at all costs.

Then the doubt will rear its ugly head and seep into your mind. So many questions you will ask yourself again and again.How do I do this, can I do this, am I strong enough, am I smart enough. What do I teach them, how do I raise them to be kind and considerate. How do I show them humility, how do I guide them and how do I know what is right for them.I do not understand myself, how on earth am I going to understand the needs of this child. Who put me in charge? What have I done?

Never fear mother nature is here. This negativity you feel can and will be overcome. Natural instinct will kick in. Our body and our mind both know what needs to be done.Self-talk, the first of many discussions you will have with yourself.  Self-doubt will always be there but if you allow it self-confidence will get you through.Somewhere from the depths of this brilliant body we have, there comes strength we did not know we had. Determination, commitment and dedication to their future starts right here and believe me that strength will be tested continuously in the years to come. It will not leave you until you die.This feeling is called LOVE and it is different to the love you have experienced before.

Those feelings you had when you first encountered this new acquisition to your life is love. Every time something is difficult in your life reflect on those first moments and then on every other beautiful moment your children will bring to you. There will be so many glorious, memorable, uplifting times you can reflect on.They are easy to recall as they multiply as the years go by. Every parent could fill a book with funny, awesome and gratifying moments their children have given them.  Remember them, treasure them. They are priceless.

What I am feeling is the love for my children. It is a special feeling for me alone and one I will keep forever.

Taken From My Diary

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

At the beginning of Covid I found myself at a loose end so started to write in an online diary. I have always written my thoughts down as it seems to help me put them in perspective and I worry a little less once I have gone through the process of making sense of my thoughts. I have decided here in my blog I would start a section where I could go back over my ramblings and share some with you. The first one is what I wrote on my first day.

Friday 28th February 2020

This morning I woke and felt like writing so I started this journal. I have no agenda, no ideas’s but why not. I am 67years old. I forget a lot these days and thought to myself, if I live till a ripe old age this may help me to remember some things.

It is 7am and I am sitting at my computer looking out the window and marvelling at the beauty. We moved here around 4 years ago and have not regretted a day. We have had some tumultuous weather in recent months, massive bushfires, extreme winds, scary thunderstorms with heavy continuous rain. This is Australia and we are in the Blue Mountains.Today the sun is creeping above the trees and the magpies  are chortling their morning greetings. The red wattle bird is flittering from bush to bush and the white cockatoos are standing watch. Our grass is a vibrant green, the fruit trees are pushing toward the sun and the neighbours are quietly stirring. This time is mine to plan the busy day ahead. Who said retirement would be boring. Not on my watch.

Today my daughter moves to her new flat at Blaxland (Lower Blue Mountains) She has been here living with us for some time now. Leaving her place in the city because of ill health. She struggles with life constantly and today is no different. Living with your parents as an adult is not easy for either party. Everyone’s routine is out of pace and tensions are strained.  Today though she is a little excited together with a little apprehension.  Her health is still not good but it is important for her to be independent. Hopefully with some help she will find some joy in life.

Recently Ken and I have discovered a peaceful pastime in doing jigsaw puzzles. We have discovered we can become a little obsessive about them. We start out putting restrictions on the time we spend, it does not last long as the desire to complete it takes over. We have done several in the past few months and I know my interest is not diminishing. I find them very relaxing in a mindful way. We as a couple do not have a lot in common however we find this is something we can do together. I find it Improves one’s patience and ones concentration, minimising the use of technology, and they can be quite challenging.  Our most recent was a flock of colourful birds. One of the more difficult that we have done.

Some of our jigsaw puzzles

Reflections on the past

Looking through my photo’s just now has reminded me of some wonderful things from the past 4 years.  Building our new house, travelling to USA. Neighbourhood gatherings, constructing Kens observatory, Trip to South America .Visitors from Queensland and from England. Local drives finding coffee shops and lunches out.  Finding new hobbies, Watching our gardens transform and making our house comfortable. I know I will refer to all of these things again in my diary and will elaborate on them as I go.

The simple art of taking photos must be one of the most important discoveries ever. Our whole lives are reflected in them.

Not the best picture but it was spontaneous and I managed to capture just one of our many cockatoos.