Health as we Age

Making new friends as we age gracefully

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

I have talked about loneliness before and how I think it can be damaging to one’s health. As a senior I feel friendships are always important, but vital as we age. Loneliness can have a devastating effect on ones’ life. A while back my husband and I had dinner with some friends. It was a birthday get together. These are people we have known for quite some years but in more recent years our bond is growing. There is a common interest which has brought us all together and now being in the senior age category, there is more time to socialize and commit to friendships.

As we do become closer questions become more inquiring and conversations are more in depth. For me personally this is a cathartic experience as I love discussions around human behavior, and I find most people’s lives are filled with interesting facts and usually a little drama. My group of friends are fantastic and never push issues or demand answers. I think this is not the same for all though. I can imagine that some friendships could be difficult as certain people like their privacy and don’t feel comfortable discussing personal subjects. On the reverse of that others asking questions can become too intrusive and not know when to stop. After our dinner I found myself thinking how lucky we were to have this group of friends and how difficult it could be if this was not the case.  This got me thinking about the process of building and cementing a bond with someone you have just met.

Through previous experiences we learn that to bombard someone with your life story can quickly result in a lost friendship. People need time to digest and contemplate information. All those hidden secrets in one go, can be a recipe for disaster. Experiences vary in life, with some good and others not so good. Where one person finds a story intriguing, the same story can be considered abrasive to another. Some find talking about past events or revealing details of one’s family to be difficult or emotionally draining others have no trouble blurting out their entire history.

We can all look back and remember those people whom we called friends in the past. People who we no longer see or hear from maybe due to differences of opinion or dwindling mutual interests. Friendships do not automatically come with built-in trust and respect. This has to be earned and valued over time. Those who are lucky enough to have long term friendships will have realized this.

As seniors we often find ourselves in the position of having to make new friendships. Loved ones have passed, families have busy lives, the workplace is no longer part of your social network. One of the difficulties I see with this situation is that at this stage in our life, we do not always have the benefit of time on our side. I believe relationships are stronger if we take our time to get to know people. As we age we don’t have as much time to waste so we are impelled to speed up the process. With limited time it can be tricky and often results are not what we expect.

To understand why this happens, we need to look at the process. By this, I mean look at the factors which go into a friendship. Feeling comfortable in conversation, having similar likes or dislikes, mutual values, mutual respect, and acceptance.  Not feeling judged, bullied, or intimidated. This is a lot to determine and to digest in a single meeting, so where does one start.

Find out who we are first. When we are young, we hide so much from others and not always intentionally. I believe we do not really know ourselves in our younger adult years. Of course, we think we do, but now having lived to a ripe old age, I realized once I retired and finally had the time to do things, I knew little about myself. Certainly, we know what makes us laugh or what makes us relax but do we truly know what makes us happy. I think we need a lifetime to figure that out.

I know I for one do not worry about what others think as much as I did when I was younger. I am not afraid to say what I like or afraid to disagree with someone. Therefore, when we are older, can we assume that our piers are more open and more honest with their discussions because they are more comfortable with themselves.

Let us hope they are as it speeds up the “getting to know you” part of building friendships.

Having said all that, ask yourself what sort of person you are and what would you like in a friend.  Are you a serious person, someone who is a happy go lucky person, do you like books, movies, sports, do you like to drink, party, quiet nights, dinner. If you know yourself than you will know what type of friend, you seek. Next time you join a new group or meet a new person, listen with interest to what is being said. Often, we are preparing our input, or our next question and we miss what is actually being relayed. When you really hear what someone is saying the response becomes automatic.

If you really do not know what you like, then the fun is in trying new challenges. If you don’t like it you now know a bit more about yourself. You will figure it out eventually and hopefully make a whole group of new friends.

As this is sounding a bit like a relationship seminar, I will not bore you further but I hope I have helped someone out there who is struggling with the thought of making friends.

 A question to answer or just to ponder.

The saying “we should accept everyone for who they are” what does that mean to you?

To me it means everyone is an individual and has the right to represent themselves however they want. We should accept them as part of the world in which we live and afford them the same rights as ourselves. We should not criticize them just because we have different thoughts to them, however we do not have to be best friends with them either.  I would love to hear thoughts on my comments. Feel free to comment and subscribe if you want to see more of my ramblings.

Complacency-Boredom

/ Lesley / 2 Comments

As a retired person I have more available time, as an older person living during the pandemic I have more idle hours to fill. Following I have written my thoughts on this situation. No expertise, no qualifications just what is in my head. 🤔

I refer back to an early blog “What will I do when I retire?” I wrote that blog with my own actions in mind and focused mainly on activities that I related to at the time. Covid has made me think more earnestly about what we do on a daily basis and how easily boredom can slip into our life and have a detrimental affect on some people. It is easy to become bored, it is easy to become complacent about your daily activities. Dictionary.com’s meaning of complacency is “a feeling of quiet pleasure or security often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition etc.” I think this explains it very clearly but breaking it down a little and putting it into terms of actual life activities helped me to clarify.🤓

The first part is easy for me to identify, particularly during covid restrictions. Doing a jigsaw puzzle, doing my heritage investigations, reading a book or simply going for a walk.These activities were pleasureable and gave me the security of knowing I was safe in my own home.They quickly became my norm and were only broken by the necessity of housework or shopping on line. 🙂

The second part of the dictionary meaning is a little unnerving at first. I questioned what potential danger could these activities evoke. The answer came with endured lengths of time of repetitively doing the same activities every day. The danger lies in the complacency of ones own thoughts and actions. When you are in a pattern without too much change it becomes easy to be habitual. Our life becomes boring. We could easily become disinterested in our surroundings which leads to more debilitating effects to our well being. As you become more bored your life becomes less active and your brain less stimulated. You talk less, you laugh less and more and more creativity and interests die. It becomes easy to not make an effort, to not make plans, to not look forward. If we do not change our routines, explore new avenues, take risks and try new things our brains become less stimulated and more vulnerable to negative thoughts. Of course there is nothing wrong with boredom, it is a normal emotion and it is not harmful unless of course it becomes excessive and interferes with ones normal daily life and this where the danger lives. 😦

I do suspect if you have an interesting hobby you possibly will not have this problem, but if you find yourself increasingly idle try something new. If you do not have any specific interest maybe look back at what you liked doing as a young person and see how that fits into your retired lifestyle. This would not have worked for me as I worked from a very young age and did not really develop any specific hobbies other than being involved in some sports. As I age those particular sports are not appropriate. I do however like long easy walks and on line music exercise classes so I am trying to become more consistent with that. I have listing here some suggestions(not mind boggling) just simple actions to minimise boredom or complacency and things that activate our brains. 😀

  • Cooking-reinvent the way you cook, try new foods. If you have no one at home to cook for bake a cake or make some cookies for your neighbour or elderly friend and invite them over for a cuppa. (covid permitted) Make some fun cookies for the neighbourhood children.
  • Craft-Learn a new skill or two. There are many tutorials on line. knitting, crocheting, origami, macrame, scrapbooking, sculpting, ceramics, painting etc the list is endless.
  • Sorting– photos, memorabilia, kitchen cupboards, clothing, garage, sheds, music collections We all need to declutter and sort. Do it slowly so it is enjoyable not a chore.
  • Photographing– I became bored while taking my daily walk, so I decided to photograph specific things. I chose a colour and with my trusty smart phone I walked and searched for that colour. You would be amazed at what you see. Each day I changed the colour or the theme and my walks became interesting again. I posted my photo’s on facebook which resulted in interaction with friends. Use your smart phone or camera and photograph whatever you like, your home, the streets surrounding you, fungi, trees, flowers, pictures, food, shapes use your imagination.
  • Writing-this is what I chose and the subjects are endless. I chose to put my thoughts on line but you do not have to. Start a journal, each day write down what you are thinking. It is habit forming however not boring as the subject matter changes everyday when you are forced to think of something to put down on paper. Nobody is reading it unless you want them to so write whatever crap comes to mind. Reading it back is often fun and thought provoking.
  • Planning-even though covid has momentarily changed our freedom we can still plan for the future. go online and plan the trip of a lifetime, you may never do it but it does not hurt to dream and its fun to map it out, and at the same time you are finding lots of information about other countries.
  • Games-mind games, computer games, board games, card games or do puzzles. There are many both on line and probably some gathering dust in your cupboards. They keep your mind active and if you have someone to play with all the better. If not challenge yourself to better your skills or beat your own score.
  • Meet new people-Join a book club, a walking group, a community centre or simply say hi to your neighbours or local shopkeepers. Go to a bingo group or a dance class or join a bowls club. A few words to a stranger can make your day. Some of these things are difficult during covid restrictions however if you are reading this you have access to on line so be brave start a social media page and finds some new friends. There are many senior groups filled with people just like yourself. It could be just 5 minutes a day and it could change your life.
  • Pampering-this is something we forget to do, whether male or female we all deserve to spoil ourselves. The obvious is a long luxurious bath, a hot chocolate and a good book, a home facial, a cup of tea while sitting on the verandah listening to your favourite music, relax with a heat-pack on those aching bones, watch a movie or better still watch a comedy routine, paint your nails, watch the footy.
  • Mens/Womens sheds– of course we are talking post covid but definitely something for those who have worked hard all of their lives and not had time to develop a hobby. From what I have heard and read they give people a purpose and are a great way to meet new friends. Research on line as they are popping up in many places.
  • Yoga,Meditation,Pilates,Exercise.- Whether male or female there a on line classes for everyone. No effort as you are in your own home, nobody to see you, no cost just simple movement which is the most important thing our ageing bodies need.
  • Hydo-Water activities– another post coved activity. Local pools have lots of classes for seniors with special classes or simply do some easy stretches and leisurely swimming
  • Language Course-learn a new language on line. I have friends who have done just this and are really enjoying the process.
  • Pets– If you don’t have one and you live alone consider adopting a pet. The reasons are obvious, companionship, responsibility, fun and caring. No negatives here and no time to be bored or complacent. They wont let it happen.

I hope you have fun finding your new or renewed interest. If you have a story to tell of how you fill the hours let me know in the comments. 🌻😃

Living alone, loneliness and its challenges.

/ Lesley / Leave a comment

I am basing this blog only on the knowledge of relatives and friends I know who are in either or both of these situations. I am not assuming that every person who lives alone is suffering. One can live alone and not be lonely, one can live with many but battle with loneliness.

Living alone has some really obvious and positive benefits. One can manage their space to cater for all of their own likes and dislikes. They can run with a schedule or not. They do not have to be considerate of someone else’s feelings, their moods or their preferences. The work load is less if living alone and the grocery bill is cheaper. They can wear daggy clothes or no clothes. They can eat or not eat, sleep or not sleep, cry and curse at whomever they want and turn the volume up whenever the moods takes them. These are things that those living in a family or a relationship sometimes envy of those who live alone.

I would like to point out the numerous negatives many of us never think about.

Putting aside the unusual state a pandemic creates, imagine if you are single, unable to work or are maybe self employed and working alone from home. Consider someone who suffers from anxiety or has social phobias. Your life may be like living with a lot of the covid restrictions but not only for one or two years but for a lifetime. Consider a person in this situation could easily find themselves with no reason to actually use their own voice. The mobile phone has minimised the amount of actual calls one needs to make. Texts are a common method of dialogue now. A person in this situation does not need to leave the house as we can order our groceries, clothes, computers, stationery and actually most goods online without the need to speak. No contact drop off has eliminated the need to see or hear another human being. There are many single people in this situation. The need for human interaction becomes minimised and eventually eliminated. This is quite sad and disturbing and quite real.

Again very sad that this situation continues and can actually become a mental illness or can result in medical complications. With no accountability to others we have no need to take responsibility for our own health or wellbeing. There is no one who will question them, encourage them or help to motivate them. When one isolates we tend to think our view is the most important and this is totally wrong in my mind. We need to listen to other opinions, other ideas, otherwise we become self indulgent and therefore selfish. It is important to get out and to communicate. Working, mingling or joining sporting or activity groups puts more of a perspective on our opinions. It is vital to learn and to grow as a person.

Then you have those who are surrounded by relatives and/or friends, are members of clubs and are continually active but unknown to others they feel totally alone. Sometimes people keep busy to avoid being alone or avoid thinking about themselves. They often appear very in control or very happy with life but in fact are not. For many reasons they have not connected personally with anyone. Maybe they do not feel special or needed or loved. Often people feel misunderstood or judged. Maybe they are insecure with different aspects of themselves. I am sure there are many reasons and many times people in this situation rarely express these feelings and therefore their contacts believe they are ok, leaving the problem unsolved and the feeling of being alone continues.

Of course we have all felt alone at times. That birthday that you insisted on not celebrating but then on the day you receive no acknowledgement and you feel alone and a little sad. That time you decide not to go to the party and then are sorry you are sitting home alone on a Saturday night. Maybe your partner is away for a week and you feel moments of loneliness. I remember times when a major decision had to be made and there was no one else there to help. One feels alone and neglected during these situations. The main difference here is you will probably be laughing or commiserating with another human the following day. Time will pass quickly and you would have moved onto new things to keep you occupied and sane. That may not be the result for those who are totally isolated on a long term basis.

The Covid-19 virus has certainly highlighted the need for human touch and the sound of the human voice. The need to feel needed and the desire to talk to people on a day to day basis. We can only hope that we all consider those who are still living day to day with restrictive lifestyles and where possible reach out to them just a little more than we have in the past.

Doctors visits, tests and medication.

/ Lesley / 4 Comments

Increase in doctors visits.

This was something neither my husband or I gave any thought to before retirement. We have been relatively free of any serious illness throughout out life. Of course we are not immune so we have had the normal everyday occurrences of colds and viruses and short hospital stays etc.

Then we hit 60 and I think the body must have a trigger that comes alive around this time. As it happened we had a regular doctor at the time who was and still is quite thorough and diligent. I have always believed if you have an engaging active doctor it is best to stay with them if possible. A history is then gathered and changes are more noticeable for follow up. Of course it goes without saying one should always question any procedure or medication that is suggested. I feel we are lucky to have a doctor who does let us question and then thoroughly explains everything to us. She also does not prescribe medication unnecessarily or without follow up. I do remember having discussions over the years with ageing relatives about why they were taking a certain medication. The answer I received several times was I don’t remember, I must ask the doctor next time I am there. In my experience elderly people dont like to take up the doctors time, so they minimise the need to be there or they forget to ask questions. If you are reading this and have an elderly person you care for maybe they would let you go in with them as a support. I often wonder how many people are getting the correct care as they get older. We do heavily rely on what our doctors say. Furthermore we have less control of our faculties and therefore while have full control we need to find a doctor we can heavily depend upon for the future. Alternatively we need to ask for help.

Ken and I together have experienced the usual blood tests along with the occasional radiography scan, Colonoscopy, Gastroscopy or Endoscopy and so on. I am certainly not going to explain these procedures with my lack of medical expertise. I will also refrain from going into the gory details. I imagine there are not many people really wanting to know the nuts and bolts of my complaints.

What I would like to explain is a test I have just had which I believe could be quite daunting for some elderly people especially without prior knowledge. Please note here there is no pain involved with this procedure and it is completely safe.

I had a little scare recently experiencing heart palpitations and tightening chest. Ended up in the local emergency room for a few hours having tests. I was discharged with a suggestion that it was a reflux condition not a heart problem. I followed up with my doctor who wanted more tests done to confirm. After several tests and a visit to the cardiac specialist I was asked to have a Cardiac MRI.  

Typical MRI Machine.

I had previously had an MRI for bursitis in my shoulder so I was prepared for it or so I thought. I was referred to St Vincents hospital in Darlinghurst which is a bit of a travel experience on its own. I drove in with the assumption there would be a car park attached. This is the case however it was full so try finding a car space near the centre of Oxford street in the middle of the working week, in a pandemic was a bit challenging. Around and around the tiny, often one way side streets saw me heading quickly into a panic. Finally I came across a private medical centre car park which seemed accessible. I drove in parked and headed for the exit. I did not really know where I was but as it turned out luck was with me as I was just a little way up the street from my destination.

So it’s a pandemic and I have to sign in, but of course there system is slightly different to the norm. My QR code was not recognised. Wait in line, sign the book and then fill out a 2 page questionnaire. Finally I am allowed to proceed to the department. Now to go through the admin procedure of forms to complete, cards and referrals to present, payment to be made. Nurse takes you to another room, takes your temperature, blood pressure etc. She asks you about your medical history and why are you there. Asks you to clarify what test you are having and then more questions. MRI stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging so naturally there are magnets at work here. Do you have any metal in your body? Maybe, I have a replacement knee but not sure if it is metal or plastic. I have dentures and not really sure if the holdings are metal. Are you claustrophobic? well not that I know of but I have not spent much time in small restricted areas, I guess not? Are you on any medications, thankfully one only. Hate to think if I had a multitude of pills to remember.

It is time to put on the dreaded gown and follow the nurse to a room where she tells you what is going to happen. We will lay you on this bed, strap your body down, put some padded bolsters around your body to hold you firmly. A devise is placed on your chest to be used to send radio wave signals where needed. In my case an intravenous line was inserted in my vein to allow a later injection of contrast material required to help with imaging. The last attachment was headphones. These are to dull the apparently irritating loud drilling sound the machine makes and also allows the technician to instruct you.I was given a push button to call if I needed to. The very pleasant nurse then explained I would slowly slide into the tunnel of the machine, I would hear someone speak through the earphones instructing when to hold my breath and when to breath. You are then told it is important to remain completely still. Please relax and it will only take about 40 minutes and I am just outside the door if you need me. Final step was to inject the die and we are ready to go. Every aspect was explained and every precaution taken considering the magnetisation capabilities of the machine. The nurse was very pleasant so there was no fear in going ahead.

I am good at breathing slowly and relaxing when having needles or tests so I took a deep breath, exhaled and closed my eyes. The first sensation I felt was the sides of the tunnel on my body, definitely smaller than I thought. Once I was in place I opened my eyes and was a little shocked to find the roof of the cylinder looming very close to my face. This I did not expect as previous MRI tunnel was a lot bigger. My arms which were by my side touched each side of the tunnel. The next surprising part was the breathing. it was explained a voice would be heard instructing me to breath in, breath out and then hold breath for about 10 seconds.That’s fine, no big deal I can do that. A very pleasant voice was heard through the head phones telling me when to start and stop. Then the drilling noise started, quite loud, quite scary at first. All good I was expecting it. What everyone omitted to say was that the breathing ritual would happen about 60 or more ( I lost count) times during the 40 minutes you are in the tube. There is no pain or discomfort. I was not scared at all but  continuously worried that I was not doing it correctly so each time it happened my concentration would increase and I tried harder to breath at exactly the right time etc. until I became exhausted. I had this unrealistic fear that at the end the voice would tell me I had to start all over again because I had not been doing it correctly. Finally, when I was beginning to doubt my capabilities I heard the assistants lovely voice saying all done we will bring you out now. 

It was such a relief to slide out and feel space around me once again. The nurse took of all the apparel off and kindly said you can sit up slowly and stand when you are ready.  I could not actually lift myself to a sitting position Either I was too tired or too relaxed from all that breathing and my body felt so heavy I had to ask for her help.Once up and moving I quickly returned to normal. The nurse had asked me prior to starting if had I had an MRI previously and I said yes. That was the wrong answer as it was a totally different experience to the previous one.

Reflection

Looking back on it now, It was interesting and slightly amusing adventure. A test one should not be frightened of but one that could be explained in a little more detail for someone who is even a just little anxious. I have inserted a link here to a youtube video which explains the procedure. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-jj4KrmYPI

My results were excellent with no need for further investigation. Come back in 4 years. Sounds good to me.